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Sunday, August 22, 2004 

The Broken Voice

I'll tell you what...no matter how old I get I hate to hear my mother cry. She called today and she sounded fine at first but as she spoke I could hear her soften and her voice began to break. She said to me, "Your dad and I want to come and pick you up."

This has been an issue since I first found out that I was sick. My parents live almost fours away and it is rough for me because I don't see them often. I moved here to Modesto initially to try to make my marriage work but it failed miserably so I decided to stay and go to school, work and spend time with my kids. Then one night in a poetry class I met Megan and she smiled at me and now almost two years have passed. Right now I am sitting here on the couch using my laptop and she is next to me asleep. She could go to our room and rest but she likes to be close to me and know that I am ok. She was the first person that my doctors told about my illness being terminal and she has been here next to me every day since. She is an angel and I feel like I could not move away from her because she has never once walked away from me. She is really the only person that I can recall in my life that has showed me 100% pure unconditional love. I was scared that on the day after my diagnosis that I would wake up sick and alone but when I woke up Meg was there and she held me and promised to be there every day when I wake up. We bicker and argue like all couples but at the end of the day we talk things out and the next day we wake up and she helps me make that day a good day.

Anyway, my Mom called in response to a message that I left on her voice mail the other day when I was really hurting. Even though I am 29 I still feel like I can call my Mom when I hurt or I need someone to talk to. I wish that we could all live together or at least close but Meg is going to college here and my doctors are here. I will figure this all out one day but until then I will just try to do everything I can to be ok.

One more thing...The above photo was taken of me by Meg in our back yard today. She shot it in negative mode on a Sony Cybershot. Posted by Hello

A note from Mom
Ruben- I read your latest post and I am happy to hear that your day has been good. As you and I have spoken today, I pray that you will consider the feelings of the many that love you. I pray that you will learn to "LIVE", JUST FOR TODAY. Only then will you be able to make the very most of your life and love as many and as hard as you can.
That is the secret to LIFE!

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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