Sunday, October 24, 2004 

The Pretty Girls



These are my absolutely beautiful angels...well...they are usually a little more beautiful than this :-) Anyway,Megan and I had the kids this weekend and we had a great time. It seems like whenever I see them they just get bigger and bigger. It is great to see them grow up healthy and strong but it kills me inside to watch them get bigger. Lauren is eight and Grace will be four next week and I can still remember when Lauren was a baby. Just after she was born when she could not sleep through the night I would stay up and dress her up like a little doll. I loved to hold her and carry her but now she is almost as tall as I am. That makes her hard to hold! They both have the most incredible little personalities. I will not say that they are perfect but I would say that they are close. Maybe I just believe that becasue I am their dad!

So tonight the girls are home and I am here with Megan and although I am very happy to have someone near me I really miss the little voices that were here just hours ago. I miss the little hugs and wet kisses and I miss the way that they look when they are happy. Grace's little freckles are adorable and Lauren's smile can light up a room. I will see them on Friday for a three hour dinner visit and that will be great. I don't see them enough but their mother is happy with how much I see them. The hardest part of the whole situaution for me is the fact that I am sick. I wish that I could have more time for them so they could get to know me better but that is out of my control. I just hope that this damn liver disease can be cured one day so I can live to see them grow. When I was first diagnosed some of my first thoughts were of their weddings and graduations. I have to be there for those events. They will need me there.

Right now tears are welling up in my eyes like they do so often when I think about the kids so I guess I will end this for now. I know that I will have good news one day to write here about my illness. This will be the first place I will write about getting on the waiting list for a new liver. This is the first place I will write the first chance I get after the transplant. I am too young for all of this but my girls are even younger and they need me to get through this. Come to think about it Megan needs me to get through this also. Who would I be to dissapoint all of these beautiful girls? Posted by Hello

Tuesday, October 19, 2004 

The Life Movie



It has been days since I wrote anything here and I really get upset with myself when I let the blog go this way. I promised myself that I would keep up on this and I really need to. It really helps me when I just let all my feelings spew out here.

Anyway, I got the staples removed from my stomach area and I seem to be healing alright but the pain has been hell lately. It is almost like the staples held everything in place and now I am just all jiggly. I am sure that I need to rest more but I am just not the type of person to do that. I slept most of last week like a lazy cat and the week just sort of flew by. I feel like I need to be more productive but that gets rough when it is hard just to bend and I walk like a snail.

So beyond the health issues everything else is working out ok. I spent the weekend with Meg's Dad building some shelves for a bathroom in his house and that was nice. It is always nice to spend time with him but I still get a little nervous around him. I hope that one day I will be in the position emotionally to ask him for his permission to take Meg as my wife but that scenario scares the hell out of me. In the back of my mind I cannot help but thinking that Meg could do so much better than me. But she sees something in me that goes deeper than health and means alot more than money. I am lucky that she cares so much. I am blessed that she is so dedicated.

About the photo on this posting; It is the movie poster from one of the greatest movies that I have ever seen. It is about a man that finds out that he is ill and he makes an attempt to get to know his son and build his dream house. I cannot do the movie justice by trying to explain it here but I highly reccomend it. It will make you laugh and cry but most of all it will make your heart feel good. You would really be doing yourself a favor by renting this film. It is absolutely incredible.
Posted by Hello

Sunday, October 10, 2004 

The Babies

Hello bloggers. It is Sunday here and I have been alone all day. My sister and her family left yesterday after a nice visit and Meg is sitting for her nephews at their home. After being sick and tired for so long I finally crashed today and rested like my body needed to. I crawled out of bed at 2:00 and spent the rest of the day/evening watching baseball on TV and surfing the web. I am in desperate need of a new great book but I am so broke that I will have to wait for a bit.

Anyway, I had my babies Friday night and part of yesterday and it was very nice to see them. I was able to take them to the park and it was beautiful to watch them play and smile. It has been around six months since my last visit with them and hope to have them more frequently now. I really feel like the gallbladder surgery will help put me on the road to a more postitive recovery. I love to think that after the staples are removed and the healing gets more comfortable that I will have a much better quality of life. I want to really get to work on school and other important things without health issues crashing down on me. The liver disease is still very much an issue but hopefully I will not have to really deal with it for at least a few years. Meanwhile I can push on knowing that I have a new chance at being a better and healthy person.

So, it is after midnight here and because of my long rest last night and today I am still wide awake. I took some medicine to put me to sleep but it has not worked yet. It would be easier if Meg was her because holding her makes me more comfy than ever before lately and seems to push me closer to sleep.

Have a great week and don't forget to smile. I will see my girls again on Friday for dinner and I look forward to that. Maybe they will even call this week to say hello. That would sure be nice. Grace called last week on Thursday and her little voice was soothing and compassionate...just what I needed at the time when the pain was raging through me. I'll tell you what...little voices sure can sure be therapeutic! If you have kiddos spend a little extra time with them this week. I am learning that mine sure need me even though I am not around much. I want to be able for them to get to know me as much as possible now just in case this liver disease get worse. I also want to get to know them more and see how they grow and blossom.

I am going to try to make myself sleep now. Thanks again for reading and take care!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004 

The Road to Recovery - HEALTH UPDATE

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to check in let everyone know that I got home last night and that I am doing well. It has been a rough road but it is wonderful that I am home again with Megan. I managed to sleep through the night last night and I even got out of bed by myself today which was not easy. I felt like a beached whale but I managed to do it and that small step was a great start to my day.

I wanted to thank everyone out there for all of the love and support and for all of the prayers. When I got home yesterday there was a lab report from my hospital and it turns out that I was getting really sick right before I went in to the hospital. For some reason God pushed the pain up a notch and got me motivated to get to the hospital and I really feel like he did that because of all the people praying for me to get better.

So, I have a long recovery ahead of me and it won't be easy but I know that I can do it. I still have this liver disease to battle but it will be easier now that I won't have the pain that my gallbladder was causing. I lost alot of blood through surgery and have some pretty serious cuts and my arms look like I have been through war with all the needle marks and bruises but you know what...I am alive today and Megan is close and I have a renewed understanding of my own strength and a better outlook on life.

I will update when I can and I appreciate that people take the time to read this and share it with others. I would like to give a special thanks to Erica and Eileen at Kaiser Medical Center in Modesto for really helping to open my heart and my mind by telling me that my battles encourae and inspire others. There are alot of sick people in this world and so many of them encourage and inspire me.

So, take today and run with it. Smile and love someone. Hug a child and do what you can to realize that all of lifes little problems are only just tests that you can pass with no problem no matter how hard they seem.

Thank you for reading my words.
Ruben

About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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