Saturday, January 29, 2005 

The Pirate News

I am writing today to talk about something very interesting that happened to me yesterday. I was called into the office at the college newspaper (The Pirate's Log) that I am writing for and the editors told me that they wanted to discuss my blog. They are interested in having me chronicle my crazy life in a bi-weekly column that other students and staff can read. I told them that I would be glad to do it and I am excited to start but I am not sure what I should write. I told them that I would not hold back and that I would be very, very open and that is my intention. It would be great if just one person got something positive from my words. Maybe this could be the start of something bigger. Maybe I will finally be able to write for a living. The college paper does not pay of course but maybe one day someone will. I don't want to get rich. I would like to just be able to make enough to buy a little house in an old neighborhood like the one I rent now.

I will let you all know when my words are printed and I will send you a copy if you want one. The readers of this blog know that I can be sad and lonely, lost, confused, broken and terrified. But they also know that I can have hope and see through the pain and it will be wonderful to express myself on paper. If it was not for the readers of this blog I would be really lost. This is my therapy. Every comment and email means the world to me and you all have really helped this broken guy feel a whole lot better.

If you are new here please read my profile and click here to read about the illness that lives within me. There is no known cure available but with some hope there may be one day. Feel free to look around and read my ramblings. Sometimes I write about songs that inspire me and movies that make me happy and I write quite a bit about Megan, the love of my life. My life is not a bad life. I have the love and support of my family and toys like my laptop and my ever present ipod, a decent little car, a funny little house and a little dog that is driving me nuts. So, life is good now but I never know when I will get sick and end up in the hospital. I promise that I will write about whatever happens to me right here for all to read if they want to.

Take care today and remember to smile! I will write again very soon.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005 

The Posterior Hole

On the ipod today:
El Cerrito Place/Charlie Robison

There has to be something said about great songwriters. They may not always have the silky smooth voices of the big time pro singers but when they sing they always have more passion and dedication. The artist that I am mentioning today is Charlie Robison. Robison is most famous for marrying the brunette Dixie Chick but he was writing and singing long before she came along. The song that I mentioned, “El Cerrito Place” is his current single and you can to see the video here.

About life...Megan and I had a crazy day yesterday. We had one of those days that just seemed to go all wrong. Right from the get go we seemed to irritate one another and that continued all day. There was a door slammed, a few words yelled and I think that I was referred to as a particular hole that resides on my posterior. At the end of the day however we both lay in bed and talked and played with Hector and all the bad moments seemed to go away just as fast as they occurred.

As I ponder marriage I wonder how people have a lifetime of these days. I think about one of the wisest things that my parents ever told me about marriage. They explained to me that no matter what happens during the day that my partner and I should never go to bed angry. That is a very valuable piece of advice. I fell asleep last night feeling safe and at peace as I held Megan in my arms and all the crap that went wrong over the course of the day just went away as I looked at her beautiful face.

I will close this entry for now and leave you with that great piece of wisdom to ponder. It seems simple but I can imagine that there are times when it gets really difficult. I want a lifetime with Megan and if anyone out there has any advice to offer I will gladly take it. Have a great day today and try to be positive through the ups and downs and through the pains. Smile. I love that word. Five simple letters just say so much.
Posted by Hello

Thursday, January 20, 2005 

The Baby

I would like to introduce the world to our newest addition. This is Hector and he has come to live with Megan and I. We realize that a baby is a big step in our relationship especially without even being married or even engaged but we are confident that acquiring Hector was the right move!

Ok...maybe I have gone a little crazy! We have wanted a puppy for some time and it will be great for me to have a little companion. I really am enjoying his company so far even though as I type this he is trying to eat my shoe laces! He has funny little razor sharp piranha-like teeth and he can really bite. We have purchased countless chew toys but I think that he might just be a chewer! Last night he got behind the couch and we saw Meg's expensive sheer drapes moving back and forth. I though that she might kill him!

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce you to our new addition and show you his adorable little face. He is a pure Chihuahua but for some reason the fat little guy looks a Rotweiler or Doberman. He has a great demeanor and fun personality and I will keep you all updated about him as he grows.

Hector sure gives me a reason to smile. Lately, lots of things have made me smile more and more. I am falling deeper in love with Megan lately and it is starting to become very evident to me that she will always be with me. The readers of this blog probably knew that and I know that she feels that way in her heart but it has taken a while for me to really see that she is truly dedicated to spending the rest of her life with me. I am older than her and ill and I don't make a fortune but what we lack in funds we make up for in love. What shall my next step be? How can I really show her that I love her? Maybe something will come to me soon.

Until my next and know that people care for you whether you feel it or not! One more thing...thanks Mom and Dad for bringing Hector into my crazy life! I know that you fell in love with him but he will be ok here. We love him very much!
Posted by Hello

Monday, January 17, 2005 

The Life Blog

I hope that this entry finds everyone well. This is a very special day here in The United States as we honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Junior. He would be proud to know that many, many blogs are dedicated to him today and that millions upon millions of people everyday still fight to make his "dream" come true.

With that said I would also like to introduce you to a blog that Megan has created. You have read all about her here and I was surprised to find out that she wanted to publish her own blog. I don't know how she fits anything else in her schedule! I can't wait to read what is in her heart. Writing has always been a great way for her and I to express ourselves when we cannot manage to speak our true feelings. The address to her blog is:

Her first entry was very meaningful to me and I would like to share the response that I posted to her blog.


I am not sure what to say as I sit here with tears running down my face. Our life together seems so different when you explain it. We sure have been through alot and I thank you for being at my side along this rocky road. Our road has not even been has been more like a road in a war zone filled with deep craters and landmines that explode under foot when stepped on. The funny thing is that we always fall into the craters and we always step on the landmines. But I feel in my heart that we are meant to fall together because it just proves that we always, always bounce back up.

When I was a little boy I would pay a dime for a little rubber bouncing ball at Sunshine Market in Central Valley near the home of my grandparents. I never dreamed that one day I would live like those little colorful balls.

I have fallen into gutters, I have been dragged through the dirt and I have been torn apart but just like I did because I loved those little rubber have picked me up and repaired me and sent me bouncing off again. Thank you for the years that you have helped me to live. Thank you for my life. Thank you for the hope. Most of all...from the very bottom of my heart...thank you for always, always loving me. I vow to continue fighting and I vow to forever walk with you as your friend and your life partner.


Thank you for reading today. Have a great day and please take a second to think about Martin Luther King Junior today. The text and audio of his most prolific speech can be found at: Under the photo of him there is a link to actually hear him speak. It is worth the time that it takes. Smile today and check back soon.

Thursday, January 13, 2005 

The Queen Bean

On the ipod today:
Collide/Howie Day
Deepest lyric from the song:
The dawn is breaking
A lights shines through
You’re barely waking and
I’m tangled up in you

Here I am again. I think that the readers of this crazy blog may just get tired of me pretty soon! I am writing for our college paper here starting this semester and it feels great! I know that it’s not Time, Newsweek or anything major but it keeps my mind busy and it makes me feel alive. So until the rush of creativity fades please bear with me because I will probably be posting more than usual.

Anyway, I am sitting and waiting for Meg to join me for lunch and I am at the coolest new place in our funny little town. It is called The Queen Bean Coffee House. Modesto is famous for being the home of Scott and Laci Peterson, Gary Condit and most recently the soldier who shot up a couple of cops in an effort to commit suicide and not return to Iraq.

But beyond the gruesome, Modesto is also the home of some great antique shops and boutiques and this coffee house that I am sitting in now. For months Meg and I have been cruising by here waiting for it to open and it was worth the wait. It is an old Victorian home complete with massive porch and courtyard and the coffee is great! The only negative so far is that it does not have internet access but I just spoke to the owner and I may be able to help him get that going. I don’t really want cash for doing the work but I will gladly accept a few sandwiches and fattening coffees!

I will sign off for now but I will keep on posting. I received a call from my liver specialist yesterday and it scared me but I will try to keep positive about it. I will write about the call tomorrow when I have some more time and I have thought it through a bit more. I am so scared of getting depressed again and isolating myself. Damn....this life is a hard row to hoe.

Please smile today and try to keep your heads up.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005 

The Past Year

I realize that we are now 11 days into this New Year and that this posting is late but I will go ahead with it anyhow. Last year was a very eventful year for me and I am very happy to be able to be here writing this today. I am tired today after spending the past weekend with family out of town and spending yesterday trying to rest but I am alive and healthy and that is all that matters.

I woke up next to Meg again this morning and that is always the very best part of my day. It is incredible how much she changed last year after her weight loss surgery. Her confidence in herself is so much greater now and that makes her so much more beautiful to me. I hope that my relationship with her really blossoms this year as it has it the past. This is our third year together and I feel like our relationship needs to progress a bit farther. I am scared about this in a way but at the same time I understand in my heart that we were meant to never part. I will always walk by her side.

In regard to 2004, many great things occurred in the world but many terrible things happened also. Florida got destroyed by the spinning fury of Mother Nature and as I write this people affected by the recent tsunamis are fighting to make new lives for themselves. It seems like more natural disasters happen every year. My grandfather used to say that when there are fires and floods and war that the world was coming close to an end. That may not be the case but it is interesting to think about. The world is really going crazy.

The past year also saw many wonderful people pass on. We lost a true super man when Christopher Reeve died and we also lost another amazing actor, The Godfather, Marlon Brando. The music industry saw Ray Charles move on but he came to life again in a sense in an amazing movie about him called, “Ray.” If you have not yet seen this movie you must see it. Several critics raved that actor, Jamie Foxx was actually channeling Charles in this film. His performance was amazing and it would be an injustice if he does not win the academy award for best actor.

Another entertainer that we lost was Rodney Dangerfield. He was known for complaining that he got no respect but he certainly had mine. He changed the face of comedy when he started a career late in life by inspiring many, many comedians to try to do the same thing.

The last entertainer that I would like to mention is Jerry Orbach. Even though his name does not ring a bell to many you probably know who he is. He played the sarcastic and troubled detective Lennie Brisco on the television show Law and Order for twelve long years and once said that he was not sure where he ended and Lennie began. Orbach was also one of Broadways greatest song and dance men. Memories of him will never fade away.

As each year passes more and more events come into play and more and more people move on and that is just the way things move. There are 365 days in every year. That is 365 opportunities to wake up and smile and love and pray and make a difference in the world. Ever since I became ill I have been trying to understand how to live better.

I guess that I should simply live like EACH DAY COUNTS!

Smile today and check in again sometime soon when you have a chance.

About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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