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Sunday, February 06, 2005 

The Morning Glow

The three of us (Meg, Hector and I) are relaxing on the porch right now. Meg has just brought me a huge plate of fresh fruit for breakfast and she is now lost in a book, Hector is practicing the fine art of shoelace digestion and I am here with you typing along. In the background John Mayer covers a classic by The Police and the morning sun wraps us all in its gentle arms. This is the life.

I walked to The Queen Bean this morning and as I walked through the park near our house I watched as homeless men woke and stretched and basked in the rays. They must have a rough life but I often wonder if some of them enjoy their lives. Maybe a life as a nomad seeking soft ground or a covered entryway to duck the rain is not such a bad way to go. Maybe just saying, "fuck this cruel painful world" just makes everything easier. I should sit down and talk with some of them soon. I bet that they have the best stories that I could ever imagine. Stories of lost love, battles with the bottle and stories about fighting long bouts of heartbreak and loneliness. I would still be drinking even through the liver disease if Meg and the babies had not given me a reason to want to stop. Maybe I would have ended up in the park clutching a bottle and nursing a pounding head. I wasn't very far from that life after losing Carolyn. It is strange that the loss hurt but ended up just causing more anger and frustration than anything else. It was better that she went away.

My uncle David died because he would not quit drinking after he was told that he had diabetes. His kidneys could not hold the weight of his painful life any longer and he let go of his wife and children much earlier than he should have. I would have liked to have known him better. I would have liked to have understood his way of thinking.

I will end for this for now and continue forth with my lazy day. Kenny Chesney is filling the air now with the tropical sounds of his new album titled, Be As You Are (Songs From an Old Blue Chair) and Megan has moved her chair closer to the lawn to capture as much sun as possible. Her hair is glowing and her eyes glisten when I am lucky enough to have her look my way. I am glad that I looked her way so long ago. She rescued me. I may never truly understand why.

Still reading, Ruben... and so glad that you're still writing! Have a beautiful day!!!

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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