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Tuesday, March 22, 2005 

The Book of Life

I am sitting here alone today reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" at the suggestion of Dylann, another blogger. If you have never read this book I would recommend that you do. Over the course of the last few nights I have been reading this book in bed when I cannot sleep and more than once it has evoked tears and laughter. If Megan ever woke up and looked over she would either think I have lost my mind (laughter) or that I am in pain again (tears).

Today I read a passage in this book that really made me think about my life and what will happen to me after I am gone. I often wonder if people will remember me. I think that is why I write so much. I want people to be able to have something tangible to hold when I am gone. I want people to be able to look back at different points in my life and think about me. Good or bad...I just want people to have memories of me and memories of my life.

In the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie," the author, Mitch Albom asks Morrie if he worries about being forgotten when he dies. Morrie replies by saying, " I don't think I will be. I've got so many people who have been involved with me in close, intimate ways. And love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone."

Just typing that passage gave me chills. I have told Megan a million times that if I die from this battle that I will be looking out for her from wherever I am. She has promised me that she won't stop living like she does now and she has promised me that she will never stop teaching.

But the greatest promise that Megan has made to me is that she won't stop loving. She has so much love to give and I hope to God that she stays open enough to fall in love again. I want to be able to watch her laugh and smile and play because those are the things that she does with me that make her happy. I want her to always be happy.

I don't ever want to leave her alone in a physical sense but it will be easier for me to go if I am confident that she will let me live on in her heart and mind. If I get to the end of this fight for my life and I lose I want her face to be the last thing that I ever touch. I want to go away knowing that I don't have to be scared because she is always right with me...Just a touch away.

I read every one of your entries. I also have a liver disease, and for a while my gastro thought I had PSC, so I was particularly interested in your thoughts about that. We have very similar symptoms. Instead I have something called Alpha-1 antitrypsin disorder.

Cancer on top of it, wow. You've been through it. I'm glad you have your wonderful fiance in your life. I've known my husband about as long as you've known your fiance and he's been a Godsend to me. Isn't it wonderful when you find someone who accepts the whole package?

I'll keep checking in on you, and will keep you in my thoughts.

Warmly,
Lori

I have no idea what to say, but you make me proud.

hey, i don't think i ever told you this, but my mother has Hepatitis B. though there's no cure, she's on a drug called Hepsera.. it's $503/month! since it's questionable drug, it's not covered by her insurance. her liver's getting pretty inflamed, and at this point, we're just praying for the best.

as for the book, i am SOOOOO GLAD you started reading it. the fact that it's a true story leaves me breathless..

Morrie reminds me of my favorite Psych professor [who recommended the book to me]. Morrie's one of those teachers who inspire people with his individuality and zest for life, even when his health is dwindling. i remember the part in the book where he goes to the dance and just does his jig in the middle of the dance floor, no cares in the world, not giving a damn who's making fun of him.

your Meg reminds me of Morrie's wife. her stable dedication and strength leaves me awe-struck. i give her all regards in the world.

Good luck to both of you and your wedding.. enjoy the book and read it over and over again. sometimes when something in my life bothers me, i'll flip to the related chapter in the book to keep my spirits up. do the same.

*huggies*

Great book.

Hi

I came across your blog on blogexplosion.

I have had a lot of cancer victims in my life. My dad died from cancer in 1994 after suffering an aneurysm ten years earlier. I had an aunt that had it. My best friend from high school lost his dad to it. Just two months ago a friend lost his mom.

Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer.

I just wanted to tell you sorry for your illness. I am very glad to hearyou are currently cancer free. Keep fighting! Don't let it bring you down. I really believe if it's caught in time and the person is strong they will beat it.

I'll keep reading your blog.

My best regards.

Don

Wonderful book...wonderful movie...I think I'm gonna re-read it...Thanks for the reminder.

Hey Ruben, I just wanted to say thanks for leaving a comment at my blog. =)

Now I gotta play catch up w/ yours.
XoXo

Ruben - I wanted to give you a reciprocal shout out after seeing that you had commented on my blog.

First - It is absolutely OK that you enjoy a beautiful booty. You're not alone, I'm certain.

Second, and on a serious note - Are you eligible for a liver transplant? I work in a field in which I get the opportunity to meet transplant patients regularly. Their miracles astound me.

Third - I'm glad your cancer is under control. I have, in my lifetime, had three different friends who were diagnosed with Hodgkin's. All three beat it.

Keep kickin' ass, my friend!

Hi Ruben,

Just dropping by!
I just want to say how inspirational you and your words are...
It takes guts to live, speak and do as you do and I am deeply humbled here!
Your words in this blog itself is a testament to what you had set out to do... 'making each day count'... and may you continue to do so and inspire many others too!
Lots of hugs from me here....

~Silk~

"Tuesdays with Morrie" is one of my favourite books. I´m amazing with your story´s life. I had only read this post about Morrie but I´ll read everything you had write...

Sorry my english isn´t very good...

A special hug from a Portuguese girl

Eduarda

Ruben,
I'm with you, buddy. I've walked that walk. Don't we have the best seats in the house? To look into the future and not fear Transition, I just laugh when I hear the word "palliative."

Blogmarked, you.

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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