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Thursday, March 03, 2005 

The Haze

It has been forever since I last posted and a lot has been happening around here. The main issue around here lately is the usual health stuff. Ever since we got back from San Francisco I have been in a strange haze. I can't seem to catch up on my sleep and I feel totally out of focus for some reason. Even the Benadryl is not working to put me to sleep. I took 2 Benadryl pills at about 10:00 last night and I still stayed up until after 4:00 am.

My blood tests turned out to be stable (still bad but not a whole lot worse) so Dr. Cheng does not feel the need for me to have another procedure done to clear my bile ducts at this time. That was very welcome news. I am really wanting to be healthy this year. I will have my blood checked on a regular basis and keep posting updates here.

In other news...I turn 30 in two days! I don't know how to feel about that. Part of me is sad because I have not achieved all of the things that I wanted to at this point in my life but part of me is happy because I am alive and I am enjoying the slow pace of my life. I will spend my birthday at the wedding of an old friend that I have not seen in many years and that will be nice.

About our wedding...Meg is feverishly ordering invitation samples and scouring the web for ideas. It is beautiful to watch her plan our day. I am so happy that she is looking forward to the day that she becomes my wife. I am certainly ready to share that day with her.

I hope that this post finds everyone happy and healthy. My Grandma Rose is getting over a terrible infection and has not been feeling very well lately. It scares me whenever she gets sick for any reason. The thought crossed my mind when I first was diagnosed with my illness that maybe I was meant to die before her so I would not have to see her go. She has been a big part of my life since I was a baby when we would have Jello fights while she was caring for me when my parents were at work.

Take care of one another and smile today. Check back soon for updates. I am trying to teach myself more about creating an internet radio show from home, posting music on the web and working with image galleries. Thanks for letting me test all my crazy ideas on all of you!

What a precious soul you are. The love you speak about concerning your grandma rose is so unique. Your an angel on earth Ruben. And you are so very blessed for having the heart that you have. I am sorry about your sleepless nights, I too have those everynight. Our minds are just too busy. I hope you can visualize and center and start to sleep better. Your truly a specail young man. Love, Candy

Am thankful for your blood test not changing, and a miracle may happen this yr and you can rest better, and do all those things you want to do...when is the wedding date? Congratulations!

Happy Birthday Son- I love to read what you write and now that you are 30 maybe you will listen to your old Mom ...If only just a bit.
Try this......Maybe what you are hearing in your Grandma's voice is her trying to disconnect from the insanity of poor decisions you are making in your life. Maybe she justs wants you to be a happy married man with two daughters that he adores and does not refuse to see and/or participate in their life (for any reason). Maybe she feels the brokenness that I feel when I speak to those little girls and they speak of you, their Dad, and when they ask if I have seen or talked to you and how you are. Maybe this is what you are hearing in your Grandma's voice. Have you considered this?
In my own little girl memory I thought my own Dad lived thousands of miles away and he like you lived in the same town, no further than you live from Lauren and Grace.
Thise little girls are God's gift to you. Love and treasure them. Stop ignoring them and writing about how special they are. Your writing is so beautiful. Make it real.
I pray that these words bring some clarity to you.
I love you and you are forever in my heart.

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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