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Friday, May 20, 2005 

Blood gone bad

If you have never read my blog before thank you for stopping by. Click here to read a little bit more about me. I write this blog because there are times in my life when I am so damn lost that it helps just to get my feelings out. I am writing this tonight because I am very scared.

Six vials of blood were taken from me today and by now 14 blood tests probably have been done on that blood. I have been bruising more than ever lately and the bruises are coming easier than ever. There is some concern that I may have a blood disorder. It gets to point anymore where Megan sees a bruise on me and asks where it came from but I have no idea. Also, the area of my abdomen under my right ribs has become sensitive to the touch and is starting to hurt almost constantly. I don't have a clue what is happening but I have been advised that a full battery of tests may have to be ran...again. My oncologist will be put into the mix this time along with my gastro doctor, primary doctor and a hematologist. I have never worked with a hematologist before. There is a first time for everything I suppose.

It is damn near midnight here and Meg is asleep next to me as I type this. I am listening to Ben Folds on my ipod shuffle and I feel like crying. I want to wake her and hold her and tell her that it really hurts now but she has had such a long week and she looks so pretty sleeping. I don't deserve her. I never have. I know this. Thank God for Megan. There is a reason he sent me my very own angel.

Anyway, I feel cleansed after posting here. I can let my thoughts run free and I can escape my liver disease for just a bit...just enough time to feel alive again. Just enough time to fill healthy and whole and not so broken.

I know that these words may be depressing but I appreciate your time and effort here very much. You have taken a few minutes from your life to help me with mine and for that I am truly grateful. If you like country music or just appreciate amazing lyrics click here. Listen closely to the words. They are very well written. It will help if you have a high-speed connection but patience works also.

If you have time leave a comment and your site address and email. I would love to read your words. Smile today. Hold someone close. Sing. Dance. Do something to feel alive and write me to tell me all about it. I'd really like to hear about it.

Come back when you can. If you want to read some less depressing words of mine, click here. This will direct you to a funny post about dog crap and my porn star neighbor. Really...it is worth a read. :-)

The best thing I know to do is pray... and I will pray for you. God bless.

Hang in there! Look for the gold in your life...Megan. What a great gift she is to you.

God Bless you. I hope and pray all goes well!

I am so sorry for you, Ruben. I can't imagine how frightening this must be for you. Again, I humbly offer friendship to you. If you ever need it. I won't be hurt or angry if you don't.

I'm flinging wishes to the heavens for you....

Hi Ruben. Sorry to read you're feeling poorly the last few days. If you get the time, stop by my blog and smile! I'll be praying for you.


Cool...I get to post twice by clicking once.

You're in my thoughts. Stop by my blog; you're guaranteed to leave smiling.


Hi Ruben. I don't normally comment on other people's blogs. I was just doing it for the blog explosion credit :P... but your blog is very inspiring and I just want to thank you for your courage and willingness to share your life with others.

Hey Reuben-

Dude you're wearing me out. You're my check. You can't get sick. I need you to hang in there for me. You can beat this fucking thing, I need your words and your photographs. I know you're out there, you left a comment at Redneck's hovel. Keep me in the loop my friend, you are always in my thoughts and my prayers.


No one deserves to go through what you are; I am so sorry! It is very important to get your feelings and fears out--where better than a blog? If it helps, I will be thinking about you.

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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