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Thursday, May 26, 2005 

My ass is wet


I am sitting here on my porch with this crazy looking rusted figurine looking out onto my lawn that is full of brown patches and my ass is all wet. You see, I have been trying to adjust my sprinklers again. This is a summer ritual for me that I dearly hate. If you read my post about doing yard work with my chihuahua you know by now that yard work is a source of entertainment for me in a way. Dealing with the sprinklers however is just plain frustrating.

The main problem is that according to comedians like George Lopez, I am supposed to have been born with the ability to do certain things simply because I am Mexican. Many of these things however I must lack due to the fact that my mother is quite white. For instance:

>I have no clue how to steal a car.
>I have no idea how to remove dents from a car.
>I would not function well as a Wal-mart or McDonald's employee.
>I am sure that I would get caught trying to get across the border.
>I can only do a few things with a tortilla.
>I cannot fashion any sort of usable device out of duct tape.
>I am virtually useless when it comes to yard work.
>I once tried to make a pinata but it became rock hard and had to be sawed open.

Now I do not mean to bash my Mexican counterparts out there but I am trying to make a point. There are just things that I cannot do and lanscaping is driving me crazy.

If someone out there can tell me how much yard fertilizer to use let me know. I need the right amount. Maybe I can figure out the amount based on the amount of fertilizer that people use to conceive children.

For instance, I don't want a jungle out there so I may not need as much as those crazy people in People Magazine that have six or seven babies at once. Maybe the amount used for twins would be alright. Can someone...anyone offer me a suggestion? My porn star neighbor has amazing grass and I want amazing grass too! Megan says that green spray paint simply won't do the trick. Any tips will be appreciated!

Smile today!

truly adorable...
I would put that in my garden,if I like being outside LONG enough to have one.
Hello, Ruben! You've been ignoring me again! Dude, I'm in trauma here!
Ruben, come baaaaaaaccckkkk!

hahahahahahaha, I read your comment to me, and came back here, and sure enough, I hadn't read any of your post! when I was here, all I saw was the picture. hee, ok, but I still like it.

I'd go with the spray paint, man.
Yardwork sucks ass.

I've missed you Rubes! You make my heart smile.

I turned my back yard into a wildlife sanctuary and habitat several years ago. Requires a lot less work but is worth it to putter around.

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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