Monday, June 27, 2005 

Pride Weekend

The photo above contains all the things that I really love about life. There is color, two gorgeous smiles and a beautiful undeniable sense of freedom and innocence.

This was taken over the weekend on Castro Street in San Francisco, CA during the cities annual Gay Pride Weekend. To see all the photos we took over the weekend click here.

Even though we aren't gay, Megan and I attended the celebration this year as volunteers and for two awesome days we celebrated and basked in all the amazing colors. We are believers that gay marriage should be legalized based on the fact that people should be able to express their love no matter their circumstances. This picture is a prime example of that. Hell, if this lady really loves a box turtle she should be proud and they deserve to be happy! :-)

Look at us for example; People may think that we are crazy for getting engaged because I am ill and need a transplant but we just don't think that way. Megan has said from the time that we found out that I was ill that she would rather endure this battle as my wife. It may sound funny to say, but I love our love. I finally found a crazy hippy chick with a tye dyed heart that will attend freedom celebrations with me and listen to Willie Nelson for hours and hours and I'll be damned if I will let her go.

To be honest, if there was a man that made me feel the way that I do about her I would love him just as much. There would have to be the sense of physical attraction (maybe this guy) :-) there also of course but it is ultimately what Megan has inside her that I love the most.

This photo of Megan and I explains why she is just so pretty to me. Look at those eyes! Hazel diamonds floating on top of an ocean of blue! They shine like all of her...all the time and that is just wonderful to me!

If you get the chance to attend a pride celebration give it a chance. Just show up with an open mind and a free spirit with or without clothes and just have fun! The little girl in the photo carries a precious sense of wonder in her eyes. We all should. Smile today.

One more thing...I have never done this before but I would like to Dedicate this post to a man named Woody that was a very dear friend of Megan's family. Woody married his partner at the home of Megan's family just a few short years before his life was taken by The AIDS virus. Woody contracted the virus when he was sexually assaulted as a child.

Woody was a terminally ill man that Megan loved and cared for for many years. Does that sound familiar? Tears are welling up in my eyes as I type this. I am not a religious man by any means but I firmly believe with all of my heart that Megan was sent from above to help Woody and I. She was also granted a dent resistant heart to help her deal with the pain. If I don't make it through all this crap that I fight you all will see Megan shortly after I go helping someone just like Woody and I. That is just what she does. Thanks Megan. I love you honey.Posted by Hello

Monday, June 20, 2005 

Post #100!

Wow! I just did some quick math (something I am not very good at) and I have discovered that this is my 100th post! So, in the the tradition of many other bloggers I have decided make a list of 100 things about me. These are things that you may or not know about me. These are things that that you may not want to know about me.

Seriously...It has been a nice trip getting to this point. Thank you all so much for reading thousands and thousands of my crazy words and for looking at hundreds of my strange photos.

Here we go...

1> My name is Ruben James Porras.
2> I was named after my father and not the Kenny Rogers song or the famous sandwich.
3> I was born in Redding, CA.
4> I won't go back there because the bridges that I didn't burn are bridges that I don't want to cross.
5> I now in live in Modesto, CA. This is the home of Gary Condit and Scott Peterson. It is also a breeding ground for hate and intolerance.
6> I want to leave here very soon.
7> I need to live near a beach because the ocean has the power to make all my big ass problems look amazingly small.
8> I am engaged.
9> Her name is Megan and she is hands down the prettiest girl in the world.
10> Megan's eyes make me smile.
11> Megan's heart makes me live.
12> Megan's words make me laugh.
13> I don't like sleeping alone.
14> That is because I am afraid that I might get sick in the middle of the night and there won't be anyone to help me.
15> I have the same terminal liver disease that killed Walter Payton, the famous football star.
16> I need a new liver so I can live forever.
17> I am a cancer survivor.
18> But because I had cancer I don't qualify for a new liver.
19> I could die young of my illness.
20> I am not interested in dying because I want to see how far Megan will go in Life.
21> I wanted to own a Lexus by the time I was 30.
22> I am 30 now and I have a Toyota Matrix that I can barely afford.
23> I like cheese.
24> But not just any cheese. I like the Tillamook brand of mild cheddar that is made in Oregon.
25> I don't think I can legally go to Oregon because I never paid a speeding ticket I got there years ago.
26> My favorite painting is titled, "Diego en mi Pensamiento" by Frida Kahlo.
27> I want someone to love me as strongly as Frida loved Diego Rivera.
28> I would love to go on a cross country roadtrip.
29> I want to visit Spain in my lifetime.
30> There is something special about tye dyed shirts.
31> I could be an old hippy.
32> I love the music of Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard.
33> I could be an old cowboy.
34> Maybe I just want to be old. I don't want to die young.
35> Willie Nelson is my favorite old cowboy hippy.
36> Willie Nelson is the the only old cowboy Hippy that I have ever heard of.
37> I hate wearing shoes.
38> When I have to wear shoes I wear Teva Sandals.
39> I want to ride my mountain bike more.
40> But I get lazy or tired and it sits in my garage.
41> I have a Chihuahua named Hector the Protector.
42> Sometimes I say that I don't like him but the truth is that he keeps me from getting too lonely.
43> I really love plants.
44> I kill most of the plants I get. But the succulents and cactuses on my porch stay alive becaue they don't require too much care.
45> I require way too much care.
46> Sometimes I get really lonely.
47> Sometimes I cry.
48> I take about 20 pills per day.
49> They are meant to keep me alive. I guess they work. I am still here.
50> The medicine makes me very tired.
51> But I can't sleep at night without even more medicine.
52> Maybe I don't sleep well because I am never at peace.
53> I always feel lost.
54> I won't ever get a college degree if I can't figure out math and Science.
55> I long to be a writer.
56> I have always wanted to run a small newspaper in a small town.
57> There seems to be something stopping my dreams from coming true.
58> I think it is me.
59> I like to take showers at night in the dark.
60> Nobody knows that I do that so I don't have to see my scars and bruises.
61> My scars and bruises remind me that I am sick.
62> Mexcio makes me happy.
63> The colors there are different.
64> The people there seem nicer.
65> I could live in a hut on a Mexican beach.
66> But I never will because Megan would never do that.
67> I don't think I could live without Megan.
68> I don't want to try.
69> Lately there has been some distance between Megan and I.
70> That scares the hell out of me.
71> I need to close that gap.
72> I tell everybody that 'each day counts' and to 'smile today.'
73> But there are times when I want to fall asleep and not wake up.
74> I love my father.
75> I fear my mother.
76> Her and I are just too much alike so we butt heads.
77> She is getting older and is not very healthy anymore.
78> I hope she outlives my father because I don't think he could live without her.
79> I miss fishing trips with my dad.
80> He taught me how to cry and not be ashamed.
81> My sister hates me.
82> She hates me because I don't see my children.
83> I don't see my children because I hate seeing them go.
84> I also don't want to deal with their mother.
85> I married her because she got pregnant.
86> That was the biggest mistake of my life.
87> I miss my babies very much.
88> They didn't call me yesterday on Father's Day.
89> I acted like that didn't hurt me.
90> It broke my heart.
91> I take pictures of people that I don't know because I think their lives are more interesting than mine.
92> I take pictures of ugly things and make them look beautiful.
93> I love my pet fish because they are supposed to have very short memories.
94> There are so many things that I wish I could forget.
95> I love tacos with lots of lime juice.
96> I want to die before my Grandma Rose because I don't want to see her go.
97> I love the pain that Tattoos cause.
98> I am scared of needles.
99> My favorite song lyric is, "I want to see you walking backwards to get the sensation that you're coming home" by Adam Duritz of Counting Crows.
100> I spent two hours typing this list and I will spend the rest of my life thinking about it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Now for the next 100 posts...
Smile today.

Thursday, June 16, 2005 

Checking in....

I just sort of feel like posting tonight and letting out some feelings. I am sort of scared right now because the last week or so I have been getting tired very easily and I am napping a lot. I get scared when I feel this way because I am not sure what my body is trying to tell me.

Maybe I am trying to do too much again. I am taking a demanding fast-paced Biology class and the mental strain from that is taxing but I should be able to get through it. Along with that I am trying to help Meg plan her parent's big 25th anniversary party but I must admit I am not much of a help. She is just so on the ball! I can't keep up with her.

But I will keep my head up and keep on writing and taking pictures. What I really need to do is read more. That would be really good for me I bet. I just need to get my mind to relax a bit.

So...there it is. Possibly the most most boring blog post ever! But hey, it made me feel better and think so that is good right?

Also, I need new design ideas. I want to go clean and white and more readable. Let me know what you think.

Help someone today. Hold someone today. Smile today.

Monday, June 13, 2005 

Read this one :-)

Click on the photo see it in more detail.

I am really proud of myself today! As you all know, I love to write and take pictures and my ultimate goal is to get a liver transplant, survive this health battle and do something in journalism, photography or public relations. In order to get to that point I have to be really focused and try to get my work out to the public as much as possible.

The crazy photo above (army ants in mexico) and 19 others were just selected to appear online in a new modern art/self-expression publication called The Noyse. This is a small step in the grand scheme of things and I understand that but it sure makes me feel better about my goals! I may be heading in the right direction! Finally! This is a big step for me!

Please take some time to check out The Noyse by clicking here. They even put one of my photos, "The End" on their homepage! To see my collection on their site browse over to the self expression part of their site or just click here.

Thank you for taking this crazy ride with me. Maybe we can take it together all the way to a book deal at some point. Just by reading this and by responding once in a while you all make my life much easier and that means the world to me. It really does!

Smile today! I sure am! :-)

Thursday, June 09, 2005 

5 Guys/One City

Do you ever just feel trapped in life? The photo above is one that I took on Haight Street in San Francisco the other day while I was hanging out with Matora, his brothers and a guy named Sherm. Actually, I am not really sure if his name was Sherm or not. He is great guy though and he has a wicked shoe fetish. Have a groovy pair of Nikes from the 90's? Send them his way!

Anyway, we had a great time and I learned a few valuable lessons from the experience.

Valuable lesson #1- I am old and really, really out of style! I learned this when I had to all but beg a doorman to let me into a fashionable club wearing a tye dyed shirt and Docker shorts. What the hell happened to my sense of fashion? I need help!

Valuable lesson #2- Don't let anyone named Sherm drink 10 or 20 shots of Hennessy and then try to talk to a sexy stripper named Rene. The poor girl was only trying to sell Sherm a lap dance dance when Sherm explained to her that she was not worth anywhere near the $5.00 per minute the dance would of cost. That from a guy who spent $500 on shoes in one day. Maybe Rene should have been selling laces or polish!

Also, if you feel crazy or just happen to be with a soldier or group of guys celebrating a bachelor party and you just happen to be in San Francisco you have to check out the corner of Columbus and Broadway! What a trip!

Valuable lesson #3- Just because you are the only guy who can't drink alcohol is no reason to drink nothing but Red Bull the entire night. If several Red Bulls are consumed it is possible that you will end up with shaky hands and the amazing ability to be able to pee every four or five minutes! I could have been the new superhero, Piss Man! "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's carrying a toilet!"

Valuable lesson #4- San Francisco clam chower/bread bowls are more addicting than crack! Consume with caution! If you eat too many you may end up saying things here for the words.

That is the bulk of what I learned on our adventure. I also got some great pics that show off Haight Street, grafitti, amazing wall murals of Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix and I got some interesting information about smoking addiction.

To see my latest pictures click here. This will get you to a slideshow where you can adjust the length of time each photo shows. Three-five seconds should do the trick. Smile today!Posted by Hello

Monday, June 06, 2005 

Hands up!

Here I am getting arrested in Wyoming. What a crazy experience that was. The police were nice (and very tall) and the only thing that scared me is that they kept saying that I had a pretty mouth! Ok...maybe that was just a bad reference to the movie Deliverance.

Anyway, the road trip was great. It was fast and many states were a blur but I got to see enough of America to realize that it is not so bad after all. There are some really nice folks out there and it was nice to meet them.

The highlight of the trip was seeing the memorial for the Oklahoma City bombing victims. Tears welled up in my eyes and I was struck dumb by what I saw. I mean...those evil bastards killed children. What a waste of life! Not many things really get me really, really angry anymore but this did.

So, I am back here in California where homes cost hundreds of thousands of dollars and people are often uncaring towards others. In Kansas I saw homes advertised for $19,000! Sure, they might just blow away but what an adventure that would be! I mean if your house blows away all you have to do is follow a yellow brick road and hook up with a wizard right? That is what I was told and I firmly believe that!

Speaking of wizards, Michael jackson, the wizard of entertainment, may go to jail today or soon. I am not sure if he did what he is on trial for but I find it sad that his childhood was taken away from him. Personally, I don't think he is a dangerous man. I see him as eccentric and lonely. What good is a billion dollars if you are so lost that you have no clue what to do with it? Well, he did buy some cool stuff...I would love a monkey!

I am rambling now so I will close this and go on with my day. more thing! If you get a chance go see "Cinderella Man" starring Russell (I throw telephones at people) Crowe and Rene (I just married a hot cowboy) Zellwegger! This is an amazing film that will leave you on the edge of your seat. Don't even worry about buying popcorn for this one. It will just taste like crap soaked in tears. There are not many movies that make me cry but this one sure did. It is well worth the $9.00 in California or $5.00 in Kansas that it costs to see it.

Smile today and if you want to see more photos of my adventures click here. There are sure some great photo opportunities out there! Talk at ya soon!

Thursday, June 02, 2005 


Hello. I am writing from Kansas tonight as my buddy and I make our way back to California. The photo above is of the memorial that was built to honor the 168 people that were killed in Oklahoma City when the Murrah Federal Building was bombed. There are 168 empty chairs at the site now and it really makes a visual impact that will never leave my mind. I will post more photos of the memorial soon.

I have to get some rest tonight but I wanted to just check in and let you folks know that I am doing well and that I am happy. I also wanted to thank Jim from for sending people my way. If you have never had the chance to read his words you should. He writes some very entertaining posts. I am working on making a new list of my very favorite blogs and Jim will certainly be on it.

I hope that eveyone out there is safe and at peace. I sure miss Megan and on nights like this when I cannot sleep I miss watching her sleep. Have you ever watched a baby sleep? She is so quiet and so peaceful and beautiful when she sleeps. Megan honey, if you are reading this, I miss you and love you. Please give Hector a kiss for me!

Check back soon for more pictures of the memorial and a few others that I have taken as we race home. We live in a beautiful country.

Smile today!

About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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