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Tuesday, August 09, 2005 

My World is Upside Down

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to post the results of Flickr Friday. I received lots of great pictures and they really helped me to smile a bit. I needed to smile. Thanks guys!

In regard to my health I am not doing so good. I met with a doctor today to go over my test results from last week and things look a little rough. My liver tests are much worse than last time and I have been scheduled to go in and have some more testing done. In other words, there will be a scope shoved into my ass while I am asleep. I am pretty excited about this! There is nothing like a good ass scoping! :-)

As you can tell I am trying to stay as positive as possible but to be honest I am pretty scared. I cried all the way home from my appointment this morning and I still feel pretty down even though I have had some time to spend with Meg and talk about things.

The part of the meeting with my doctor that is worrying me the most is the possibility that the cancer may be coming back. There is no way to know without all the right tests but as some of you know, if the cancer comes back I have to wait another five years from the date that it is put into remission to qualify to even be considered for a liver transplant. My liver will not last that long. That is a pure fact folks. Whether I like it or not my body is losing it's battle here.

So, my spleen is enlarged and even though a normal person can live without a spleen my doctor told me today that I need a spleen to help my liver function. So if my spleen is all cancerous I am stuck with it...sort of. What I mean is that I will have to decide whether I want it removed or not at some point.

I never wanted to get to the point where I need to decide whether I want quantity of life or quality of life but maybe I am at that point now. Maybe I have been there for a while and just did not want to see it. I am 30. I have Megan. We have wedding plans. What the hell is happening here?

So that is the deal for now. I will keep you all posted on my progress. For now I am going to just relax and enjoy myself. I will be listening to more music now. I will be taking more photos. I will be spending more time near the ocean because like I have said before, the ocean makes all my big ass problems seem so very small and that makes me feel a little better.

It is almost 8:30 here and I am so tired but I won't be able to sleep. I hope that all of you are happy tonight and that you are safe. Hug someone you love tonight because only they can get you through the hard times. Find a child if you don't have one and watch youth in motion. The little girl at the top of this post has no cares in the world. We should all live that way.

To see the rest of the Flickr Friday photos click here.
For the slideshow click here. The kids featured may get a kick out of the fact that they are on a slideshow!

Also, thanks Ginger for having the right words and Nancy for creating my Flickr Friday button. You all are so nice. You have no idea how much that you help me.

Smile today. Smile tomorrow. Smile everyday.


Ruben, you are an inspiration to us all who wallow in our little problems. My kids are home today from their summer trip and they are thrilled to be included in flickr Friday.
I don't pray much but I'm praying for you In our cyber-thoughts and our real ones.

I am honored to be any kind of comfort to you. You know you can call me whenever you need someone to talk to. You sounded so sad today, but after talking I could tell it helped just the tiniest bit to let some of it out. Sending you a big hug and kiss and strawberry fart sound on your cheek... love ya, Ruben.

Hey, big hugs to you!

I'm glad you will be asleep for your ass-scoping, that's a comfort. :) If I need an ass-scoping for any reason, I'm going to tell them, NO WAY I'm doing this awake, Ruben got to sleep through his!

Seriously, I'll keep you in my thoughts and check in often.

You are so strong and I am totally amazed by you, as I have said before.
Stay strong and remember we are all thinkin' of u and praying for the best!
Tight hugs & sweet kisses!

The Flickr Friday pics were great - everyone has such cute kids, lol.

I'm sorry to hear that you are not doing well, you are a great guy and a real inspiration. It takes a special person to find humor in a situation where it would be easier to be down.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Again great pictures....They have such joy and happiness in them. The picture at the top of the post is FUN!

Sending you HUGS!

Hoping lots of miracles come your way...

sorry you are having to go through this,,, I agree, the ONLY way to do the scoping is asleep!!! eeeek. hope you get a good report..

Oh Ruben, you are so strong! I am so praying for you... HUGE BIG PRAYERS that all will work out for a great healthy report. Please keep us updated. Here for you always. :o) Cute pics BTW. Keep smilin' we all love ya too!

*Big hugs and prayers your way*

Ahhhh...all those smart dam Drs. Sometimes it must really get on your nerves when they have no answers.

Scoping the ole sphincter is a drag, but I want you to remember this story right before they knock you out.

My older bro had a scoping procedure done several years ago before stomach surgery...btw, my bro is a big guy (see flikr pics) There he is, full of that yummy barium, ass all up in the air. He can 'hardly contain himself', if ya catch my drift...so they assist him by inserting an 'inflatable plug' to give him some relief. He insists that the plug is about to blow when his dr sashays into the room. He told doc the same thing...but doc said, awww you're doing fine. About 2 secs later? The plug flew out, and my bro sprayed said dr with about 1 gallon of chalky, vanilla barium. Not only was it dripping off his little look-closely-up-your-butt thingy, but it filled his front pocket. The dr left, and the nurses told my bro it couldn't have happened to a more deserving individual. heehee.

Getting your butt scoped: $(insert ridiculous amt here)
Spraying arrogant Dr. with a dose of his own medicine: Priceless

Love you Ruben, sending good vibes to Cali as we speak. :)

Hang in there Ruben. You constatntly remind me that I don't have any problems. Thank you and best wishes to you

Rubes, you fucking amaze me. I love your honesty, your emotion, your hope. I wish I lived right beside you, I would be knocking on your door at this very moment for a hug. Meg won't mind, as I am an OLD woman.

Hold on dear, miracles happen every day......

Ruben, I will be praying for you. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. I think that the time by the water is a good idea. I know last spring I spent a lot of time walking at the lake. You might want to ask the doc about something to help you sleep (don't know if your liver can deal with that) but rest is so important that I hate to hear that you are losing sleep. I remember having so many thoughts running through my head all the time that I couldn't get to sleep and I would wake up and thoughts of the big C would be the first ones on my mind. It was a terrible time and I only had months of it, I can't imagine it going on longer. I am glad to hear you say that you cried. You need to get some of that out, so keep on crying when you need to. I will be praying for you Ruben. (HUGS)

Sorry to hear you're not doing so hot. The ass scoping sounds fun though, right? No...okay, yeah I guess not. Hope you feel better soon. Take care bro.

Oh Ruben, I am so sorry to hear this news. I continue to send my prayers for you EVERY DAY. May all of our prayers be answered and you become healthy again soon! In the mean time, keep your spirits high and revel in the thought that so many people care for you and wish you only the best.

Hang in there Ruben! You're going to pull through this just fine, you're going to marry Megan and you'll both be ridiculously happy together. :-)

I'm prayin for ya sweetie!
I hope you're feeling better today... and I hope you're taking your own advice
"Smile today. Smile tomorrow. Smile everyday."

I am praying for miracle....!

I'm so sorry about the test results. Please stay positive. I know that you know how important that is to your health. You really do possess an inner strength that is amazing. I can learn so much from that.

Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way for better test results and that you'll be feeling much MUCH better very soon! Keep on smiling Ruben. Big hugs for you!


hey ruben! it's been a while... i finally got a chance to catch up on your blog. coincidentally, my mother's health has been worrying me. i really hope you're okay. i think about you everytime i'm with my mom.. both of you will pull through.

i know it.

Thanks for publishing my photos. Hope everything goes well with the appointments. I think your flickr friday is awesome.

speaking of miracles, you should download the song "miracle" by foo fighters off their new double album. I was listening to it while i was reading this post. it seemed to fit. hope you feel good today ruben.

smiling...but with a knitted brow.

i can't begin to express how much happiness i'm trying to send your way. you are such an inspiration to everyone and are always putting on a brave face for the world on this blog. i wish nothing but the best for you in coming days and will be praying extra hard for a good round of test results.

you always make me smile today ... i hope you keep smiling in spite of this setback.

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About me

  • I'm Ruben
  • From Modesto, California, United States
  • This space could be a million lines long but I will try to make a long story short. In April of 2003 I was diagnosed with a rare terminal liver disease and treated for Hodgkin's Lymphoma in my neck. Because of the combination of diseases and amount of liver damage, doctors estimate that I have between 2 and 5 years to live. Hence the name of this site, "Each Day Counts." If I cannot win this battle I will fight, love and travel until the very end!
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